Tried therapy once already and it didn't help you? You don't want to try it again, but you know you need the help? Here are two more reasons that therapy may not have worked for you... and what you could try to remedy this. (Read three more reason here!)
1. Improper Type of Therapy Why it didn’t work: ∙Different wants: Did you know that there are different types of therapy modalities? Exploring different approaches could be useful either by reading about them or trying them out.
Example: If you tried a creative experiential type of therapy such as art therapy or IFS, but find you are more analytical left brain trying something more structed like CBT, DBT or EMDR might be a better fit. ∙Different needs: There might be things that we enjoy in therapy such as someone to listen or to offer coping skills. There is a difference between needs & wants.
Example: If you have experienced trauma, finding someone who offers trauma informed care may be a need rather than a want. What you can try: ∙Setting yourself up for success: Going back to the idea that we do not need to have anything wrong with us to enjoy therapy. We can make rushed decisions when our mental health is struggling. Finding a therapist before you are in a hard place can lead to making a clearer decision.
Example: Do you get a family doctor before you are sick? ∙Doing your research: Reflecting on what you hope to get out of therapy & what is coming up for you currently and finding someone who might be a good fit.
Example: Some therapy practices will offer a free consultation as well to explore these needs and see if it will be a good fit prior to financial & time commitment of therapy. Authors Note: To explore more types of therapy: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/types-of-therapy Popular types of therapy to explore: EMDR: http://stressandtraumarelief.com/therapy/approach-to-therapy/ Play Therapy: https://www.healthline.com/health/play-therapy CBT: https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/patients-and-families/cognitive-behavioral DBT: https://www.verywellmind.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy-1067402 EFT: https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/emotion-focused-therapy IFT: https://ifs-institute.com Person centered: https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/person-centered Narrative therapy: https://www.verywellmind.com/narrative-therapy-4172956 Grief therapy: https://whatsyourgrief.com/
2. Lack of Self-compassion Why it didn’t work: ∙Self-loathing: Have you ever worked with someone on a group project that you didn’t like? It might have been difficult and frustrating. Now have you ever worked with someone you really enjoy. It might not have even felt like work. If we are actively disliking who we are, dealing with a lot of personal judgements or even hating ourselves its REALLY difficult to help someone you don’t like.
Example: Treating yourself as a friend in the process of change. ∙Lack of self-compassion: Ask yourself if the thoughts you think about yourself if you would say them out loud to a loved one in similar circumstances. If you would be kinder to someone else than to yourself, you might be lacking in self compassion. We change best when we are compassionate towards ourselves rather than judgemental.
Example: Would I be hard on someone else I love for this? What you can try: ∙Groups: Groups can be a wonderful environment to grow in self compassion because we are able to see that others experience the same negative thoughts or feelings towards themselves that otherwise might have been kept private.
Example: A group experience normalizes emotions, reactions & feelings. ∙Additional work outside of therapy: There are several mindfulness activities and workbooks that can add to the therapeutic experience and practice our newly learned skills on a daily basis to form new habits.
Example: Doing an act of love for yourself. --
We are all individuals and do not need to take on the experience of less positive experiences
with therapy as a view of the entire field or as a personal failing. With exploring these factors
that may be holding you back and addressing additional options you can hopefully find someone in the proper timeline, good fitting therapy & enough self-compassion to build healthy therapist client rapport to do the work!
Lastly there are options outside of individual therapy. There are groups, seminars, podcasts,
breathe work, mindfulness classes & wonderful books that can assist in the therapeutic process. It is not one sized fit all & you are worth the time it takes to discover what works well for you. It is not your fault for what you have experienced trauma, it is your responsibility of how you show up in the world based off your experiences.
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