By: Korrenne Jensen, Registered Psychotherapist, M.A.C.P. Have you have ever tried therapy and experienced disappointment or felt concerned about what could even come out of talking to a therapist?
Have you have ever tried therapy and experienced disappointment or felt concerned about what could even come out of talking to a therapist?
Have you ever thought or used these phrases?
“I don’t need therapy, there’s nothing wrong with me.”
“Therapy doesn’t work for me” "Talking about it won’t change anything.” If you have said or thought these, there may be other reasons why therapy did not feel like a good fit in the past or why you might have anxieties about it in the future.
A myth about therapy is that there needs to be something “wrong” with you to benefit from therapy. There does not have to be something bad or wrong about you to enjoy an hour just to yourself. Therapy can be a space where you can talk about your life, stress, family and friends in a confidential setting where you do not have to be concerned about how the other person will react or who they might share information with. Psychotherapy can be used for a variety of different reasons including support for mental health, disorders, neurodiversity’s, phobias, traumas, relationship stressors & substance use disorder, however, it is not limited to these. Several individuals seek assistance for better communication, mental health check up’s, sleep concerns, interviewing skill, mindfulness techniques and enhancing their performance in school, jobs or sport. Therapy may not have turned out how you were hoping in the past, and this can be incredibly disappointing & vulnerable to try again. There are numerous reasons why therapy may have been unsuccessful in the past and different approaches to therapy that might be a better fit for you. Here are three reasons why it may not have worked effectively for you in the past and what you can be mindful of in the future... 1. An Unmatched Therapist & Client Fit Why it didn’t work: ∙Specific training and level of experience: It is encouraged for therapists to seek additional training and specifications; however, each therapist’s additional training work is not identical.
Example: If you have a neurodiversity such as ADHD, ADD or ASD it may be useful to find someone who can work through that lens or framework to be most effective. ∙Personality: If the therapist is talking too little or too much, it may be part of the modality they work with or a part of their personality. It is okay to ask for more or less of what you want in therapy.
Example: Just as in our normal life we have people we get along with & others that it is more strained, seeing if personalities are a good fit in therapy, is an important factor. What you can try... ∙Figuring out your goals: Try to summarize why you are looking for support and search for those specific topics.
Example: If you would like help with your anger, finding a therapist that has specific training or experience with anger management tools. ∙Try someone new: Did you know that it’s perfectly okay to fire a therapist? Therapy is a relationship & both people should be comfortable working together. If you do not feel comfortable with your current therapist you can request another one through the current therapist or seek a better fit through search engines such as: www.psychologytoday.com Author’s note: As a trained psychotherapist myself, I tried four therapy experiences before I found the right fit & still enjoy seeing new therapists to understand how different modalities feel. 2.Unrealistic Expectations Why it didn’t work: ∙Wanting to be fixed: We cannot fix anyone, nor do you need fixing. You might be disconnected from your wisdom & who you are.
Example: The majority of work happens outside of the therapy office, if you are hoping to make big changes within the 50-minute session every two weeks this may be unrealistic. ∙E+R=O: Event + Response= Outcome: We are only in control of our own responses, what we think, feel, and how be behave.
Example: The therapist can only work with the person in the room, we can work on how you might be able to respond to difficult behaviour but cannot change that other person’s behaviour.
What you can try:
∙Looking inward: Although you may be in therapy to deal with the behaviour of a
difficult person in your life, you still have control in areas you might not recognize.
Example: You cannot change how someone choses to treat you, but you can have a level of control when setting boundaries, acknowledging personal limits or creating a self-care plan.
∙Being more realistic: If events in your life have brought out mental stressors over a long period of time, being realistic about how long the healing process might take can be useful.
Example: Trauma did not happen one time & healing might take time as well.
3. Timing was off Why it didn’t work: ∙Not the right time or modality: If you are still living through something traumatic it might not be the time to do specific therapies.
Example: If you are actively grieving a traumatic loss, trauma focused therapy may not be the right fit and seeking grief therapy might be more important in the moment.
∙Stages of change: Pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action & maintenance.
Example: You may be in a stage of change such as contemplation and may not be ready for action. Meaning you may have a relationship that you feel like you should leave but are not emotionally or mentally ready for that change. What you can try: ∙One-time therapies: If you are unsure if you are ready for changes & need support in the moment calling a crisis line can be useful and take the fear away from starting therapy.
∙Self-reflection: Taking a curious look at where the resistance is coming from.
Example: Is it a financial concern? Did you know that there are free therapies available and individuals that work on sliding scale to accommodate lower incomes? Crisis lines and free/low fee therapy services: ∙https://wellnesstogether.ca/en-CA ∙https://www.acorncounselling.org (Individual therapist offer sliding scale options) ∙Crisis and Suicidal Ideation: https://coasthamilton.ca ∙https://kidshelpphone.ca ∙Indigenous Supports: https://www.sac-isc.gc.ca/eng/1576092599338/1576092641234 ∙https://ontario.cmha.ca/provincial-mental-health-supports/ ∙https://www.bullyingcanada.ca/get-help/ ... Keep reading for two more reasons why therapy didn't work!
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