It’s a lot easier to figure out where you want to go if you have a map.
To navigate the roads of grief it is also wise to have a roadmap of how to cope and live with grief. If you do not currently have a map for your grief, the good news is that you can create one now.
There are benefits from being raised in households with grief competency and cultures that have grief practices engrained inherently. There are regions, spiritual practices and groups throughout the world that grieve better than many individuals from North America.
This could be due to a number of factors. Many cultures, ethnic and spiritual practices have been lost to colonization and immigration. If you were not given the opportunity to learn how to grieve before noticing grief in your life, the next best time is to work with grief now.
I am aware of some of the thoughts around grief that it is only related to a physical loss in life, after receiving grief competency training from Dr. Bob Kemp Hospice in Hamilton (please donate if you can) taught me that grief is happening to all of us all of the time.
Grief is
⁃ A loss of job/promotion
⁃ A loss of romantic relationship
⁃ A loss of friendship relationships
⁃ A loss of family relationships
⁃ A loss of a pet
⁃ A loss of independence (age or ability, capability )
⁃ A loss of the personal freedom (ex. Parenthood, caregiving, injury or change in ability, illness)
⁃ A loss of career
⁃ A loss of death
⁃ A loss of estrangement (parents and children, siblings)
⁃ A move
⁃ A car accident
⁃ A diagnosis
⁃ A loved one’s diagnosis
⁃ Giving up a dream
You get the idea, grief is everything and everywhere. Why are we not talking about it? My thoughts? Because it hurts, because it’s scary, because we don’t want to think about it, because it’s anxiety provoking, because we don’t want to bum people out, because it’s taboo, because we don’t know how.
I have decided to write about grief and some grief tools throughout these winter months because grief is not an if, it’s a when and navigating grief on your own can be a lot. So let’s talk about creating a road map for grief. Like any roadmap, we need to know where things intersect to understand what areas might be difficult in the process of living with your grief.
1. Holidays, expectations and obligations
Holidays are a time that we can encounter expectations internally and externally.
Take some time now and write out some expectations at a gut level without too much thought.
1. What do I expect from myself on this holiday?
2. What has been verbally expressed about what is expected from me?
3. What are obligations I have agreed to around these holidays?
Now from a grief lens...
1. Do I need to change or adjust any of these expectations of myself?
2. Can I anticipate what holidays may be challenging due to my specific grief - C
an I take intentional time for myself and my grief around these times in preparation?
3. Do I need to communicate to anyone I care about that certain holidays might be different for me
