Written by: Abbey Moore
Second-year Psychology, Neuroscience, and Behaviour
Edited by: Korrenne Jensen, RP, M.A.C.P.
What is Living Loss?
Grief is a complex and multifaceted emotion that extends beyond the boundaries of death, including losses that are not marked by physical separation. People can grieve the end of a significant relationship, estrangement from a family member, losing a loved one to a disorder, and more. These living losses evoke a similar array of emotions such as sadness, anger, and profound longing. Just as in bereavement, the process of grieving may be challenging to navigate and adjust to a new reality.
Grieving the Loss of a Relationship
Grieving the end of a significant relationship shares many similarities with mourning a
death, as both experiences entail a profound sense of loss and the need to adapt to a new reality. In both there is an emotional landscape marked by the stages of grief, including denial anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance (Morris & Reiber, 2011). The void left by the absence of a loved one, whether through separation or death can evoke intense emotions of sorrow longing, and questioning.
A self-report questionnaire was delivered to 1735 university students to study the frequency of post relationship grief. Results found that 96% of breakups reported some degree of emotional trauma with feelings of anger, depression, and anxiety. (Morris & Reiber, 2011). The questionnaire also revealed that 93% of respondents experienced physical trauma causing side effects similar to bereavement. Side effects included nausea, sleep loss, and weight loss (Morris & amp; Reiber, 2011). Both forms of grief highlight how people universally navigate challenges and discover resilience as they seek meaning and renewal in the face of loss.
Grieving Estrangement
Grieving estrangement is an extreme and often uncharted emotional journey that mirrors
the complexities of mourning a significant loss. When connections once close become distant,
such as severed ties between family members, the emotional impact can be deeply felt. The
process involves grappling with a sense of rejection, abandonment, or the destruction of bonds
that were once integral to one’s life. (Scharp, 2023). This often occurs for LGBTQ+ adolescents
who are not accepted for who they are by their parents. Estranged children report experiencing grief, trauma, and stigma (Scharp et al., 2023). Coping with estrangement is similar to bereavement in which one must embark on a path of self-discovery to find healing and acceptance of the void left by the severed connection
Grieving the Loss of a Loved One to a Disorder/Disease
The living loss of a loved one to a disorder or disease is a uniquely challenging, and
heart-wrenching experience. Witnessing someone close undergo a profound transformation as a result of illness can evoke complex emotions though they are still alive. The person you once
knew may be altered physically, mentally, or emotionally, and it can be challenging to reconcile the memories of their former self with the present reality. For example, someone diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) experiences a pattern of unstable extreme emotions, unstable relationships, and impulsivity.
Those caring for someone with BPD are said to frequently experience burden, loss, and grief (Guillen et al., 2021). Similarly, those with family members who are diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, will experience living loss. This initiates a gradual mourning process for the person’s cognitive abilities and the eventual loss of shared memories that defined the relationship (Pérez-González et al., 2021). Coping with the loss in this context often includes a balance between acknowledging the impact of the disorder and finding ways to cherish the essence of who they were. It’s a journey of navigating uncertainty, expressing compassion, and embracing the bittersweet moments of connection amongst the challenges posed by the illness.
Coping Strategies
The healing journey from living losses involves granting oneself permission to grieve and
recognize the intensity of emotions and the significance of what has been lost. Seeking support
from friends, family, or mental health professionals can provide a crucial outlet for expression
and understanding. Some healthy coping mechanisms include:
Writing a letter that you do not send, and instead burn, tear up, bury, etc.
Hold a ceremony or ritual for yourself to say goodbye
Take time for a grief hour to allow yourself to recognize and feel the loss, followed by
something uplifting
By acknowledging and honouring theses living losses, one can pave the way for a healing
process that leads to resilience, growth, and eventual integration of the loss into our lives.
Remember that everyone’s experience of grief is different, and your feelings deserve to be
validated.
Websites to help support your grief:
Looking for more support?
Feel free to book a free 15 minute consultation to go over your options and mental health supports. Either with booking a consultation with our therapists at afterglow or having them support finding the best fit for you.
References
Guillén, V., Díaz-García, A., Mira, A., García-Palacios, A., Escrivá‐Martínez, T., Baños, R., &
Botella, C. (2021). Interventions for family members and carers of patients with
borderline personality disorder: a systematic review. Family process, 60(1), 134-144.
Morris, C. E., & Reiber, C. (2011). Frequency, intensity and expression of post-relationship
grief. EvoS Journal: The Journal of the Evolutionary Studies Consortium, 3(1), 1-11.
Pérez-González, A., Vilajoana-Celaya, J., & Guàrdia-Olmos, J. (2021). Alzheimer’s disease
caregiver characteristics and their relationship with anticipatory grief. International
Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 18(16), 8838.
Scharp, K. M. (2023). Estrangement and Impact on Family Communication. In Oxford Research
Encyclopedia of Communication.
Scharp, K. M., Alvarez, C. F., Wolfe, B. H., Lannutti, P. J., & Bryant, L. E. (2023). Overcoming
obstacles by enacting resilience: How queer adolescents respond to being estranged from
their parents. Communication Research, 00936502221142175.
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